Grudges – Do You Have an App Running in The Background?

Grudges are much like a phone that has apps running in the background. They are a constant drain on the battery, cause slow performance and can shorten the life of the hardware. When you clear that energy (close the apps) you free up space for things that are worthwhile and important – instead of dwelling on what was. When an app gets corrupted, or no longer serves a valuable purpose, we hit the delete button (forgiveness) and it is as if it never existed.

Gaining the necessary requirements for healthy relationships is challenging when we hold on to grudges. This affects our mood, attitude and behaviors. We all want safe and healthy relationships in the circle of our life. It’s up to us to charge our batteries – positive or negative. The conscious choice we make can be energizing or drain our life force. Holding a grudge does not make us stronger, it makes us bitter. Forgiveness sets us free, even if the other person can’t see their way to let go. A life consumed with poison makes for dis-ease.

Life is too short. Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should and let go of what you can’t change. – Unknown

The last part of this quote is the hardest because we may have an expectation of someone that they are not be capable of changing. You are moving on and they are holding on – let them have their perspective and allow them to heal in their own time. Maybe they don’t always deserve forgiveness, but you deserve peace and happiness. Enlarge your future, knowing you have set yourself free.

Remember the old saying about letting others occupy a rent-free space in your mind? No thanks! Re-living a bad experience causes trauma. Protect your mental and physical body. Grudge holders are gonna grudge. Who knows where this stems from – for some it is learned responses from childhood, bad experiences, lack of trust, personality type, etc…

Think of the energy it takes to hold on to these feelings. Are you willing to continue this dance? Hitting the delete button (forgiveness of yourself and others) will free up space for those relationships of mutual positive support.


  1. Laura Joseph says

    Love your analogy “Grudges are much like a phone that has apps running in the background.” So darn true. Great post. Thank you so much

  2. This reminders me of the Serenity prayer; to change the things we can (ourselves) and let go of the things we cannot change (other people). I agree holding a grudge is a huge energy drain and only harms ourselves. Great writing, Debra! xx

    • Debra Oakland says

      Thank you for your comment Lisa! One of the most challenging and frustrating things people do is making an effort to change others. Positive change is a great thing, but if it’s for manipulation or selfish reasons, it’s never supportive. xx

  3. I love the image of apps running in the background. Coming from a long line of grudge-holders, this one has taken some practice. Thanks.

    • Debra Oakland says

      Thanks so much Andrea, I felt the apps image would be something people could connect to in this modern age…

  4. Kris Groth says

    I love your analogy of the background app, very potent visual! You pack a lot of wisdom into your post! Thanks for sharing it so eloquently! 🙂

  5. Holding grudges is so exhausting, Debra, that I prefer to let things go. It doesn’t mean I forgive or forget people for hurting or disappointing me but I accept that I’m hurt or let down and then move on instead of wasting precious thinking time on how to ‘get back’.

    Of course I keep a healthy distance from the grudge bestowers. 🙂

    • Debra Oakland says

      I agree Vatsala…we may not forget but letting it go and moving on is the best way forward. Love it…keep a healthy distance from grudgers! 🙂

  6. Ahhhh Debra such a deep blog.
    Thank you for sharing. Those apps running in he background really do drain the battery.
    We need to learn how to let go!

  7. Brilliant “Grudges are much like a phone that has apps running in the background.” Yes and you are so right and recently I realised I have had one running like an app and last week in a color sound healing released it – thank you xxx

    • Debra Oakland says

      Good to hear you took action to release this app running in the background Suzie! WooHoo!! xxx

  8. Very true. It’s like anger, better to not hold on to it. Sometimes it’s not as easy as it should be but it’s better to be free and happy if you can.